2012 holds fabulous promise for me in the literary world now that I am writing full time and have wonderful irons in the fire. However, because of this I’ve set myself a very tight schedule to finish the new book and am writing furiously with every spare minute.

Just over a week ago, our little girl Callie was born into this world with an innate hatred of lying still and being quiet. Callie’s arrival on the scene also heralded the end of all free time, as she appears to have absorbed all free minutes by some sort of osmosis.

So I’m not writing the blog as much as I was, haven’t updated my website, am less active on twitter, even. But it’s all temporary. Callie will settle over the month, and I should have finished the book by the end of January, and that means that then I should have time to stay a little more connected.

In the meantime, Happy New Year to one and all and I wish everyone a wonderful 2012.

Si

Prue Batten – You are one of the loveliest, kindest, most intelligent, imaginitive, thoughtful people I could ever have hoped to meet.

Poolagirl – On a similar note, you are an inspiration and a fantastic human being, who I feel privileged to call friend.

Sparky (Dave) – one of my oldest friends and always at the centre of my social world. Good luck this year with everything!

Gordon Doherty – On my writing  journey, you appear to be the closest thing to my doppelganger. I love that!

Parmenion (Robin) – A generous, wise and warm friend and a man who commands so much respect I barely dare mention it!

Bluesleepy (Karyl) – you have become a close friend, despite the distance between us, and I love you and your family.

Nick Britten – Only met you recently, Nick, but it already feels like I’ve known you for years.

Kate (WDW) – Similar. It would feel odd to go back to a time when we weren’t exchanging oddity.

Mark & Diane Grahame – Again, recent friends via Twitter, who I hold in very high esteem.

Rich and Rona - Love you guys and your family. As a Yorkshireman, that’s an earth-shaking compliment to Lancastrians…

Ben Kane – Who’s been a friend and a help on my journey this exciting year, and who I would love to spend a night in an Irish pub with!

Tony Riches – A great writer and a genuinely fun and nice guy.

Doug Jackson – A man who is an inspiration to me, since he started from a similar position, and is a literary landmark for me.

Giles Kristian – A man who only recently came to my attention, but your sheer personality taunted me into buying your books!

Ruth Downie – Not only a lovely and friendly and generous lady, but a hell of a writer too!

Alun Williams – Another recent friend through twitter, and a man I already count among my good mates.

Lin Stebbings – A woman whose knowledge of ancient Egypt appears unrivalled, and to whom I am indebted.

Jules (Julie R) – Who had been a close friend and responsible for much of my success from square one.

Tony Armitt – A good northern man who I feel privileged to count among my close mates.

Rob Brooks – Another great friend who I feel the need to meet socially very soon.

Carole Raddato (did I spell it right without checking?) – You are a kindred spirit, which is a rare thing.

Bren and Sue – Two of my longest-standing friends who I have overflowing love and respect for.

Rupe & Lenny – My little boy’s Godparents. That should be enough to say it all.

My family and in-laws – My support, loves, hopes, dreams, origin, friends, and more. You are all wonderful.

My lovely and astounding wife Tracey – Words fail me. You are my life.

My little boy Marcus who is the vessel of my love and hopes, along with his new sister Callie (aged 2 days)

You see, I have finished with my 9-5 weekday work and am now working at home to try and make my living writing. It’s looking good so far, I have to admit. But there are hiccups too.

Although I’m only spending 4-5 hrs a day writing, I’m filling in all the rest of the time with chores. Wifey, for those of you who didn’t know, is heavily pregnant and our second child (sic. member of my army of darkness) is due on the 11th (a mere week’s time). Thus I am doing anything wifey can’t, as well as my chores. In addition, I know that I will not have time to do any writing during new child time and over Christmas, so it’s important to get ahead now.

Add to that the fact that big things may also be in the works book-production-wise, and that means my schedule just tightened further.

I think you can see why my absence, eh?

Heh heh heh.

Still, all is generally good with us. My writing continues, my homebrew is fermenting, wifey is nearly there and Marcus is a blur of high-speed giggling.

How are things with you?

The criteria must be the same as those available in the ancient world when ‘roddy wrote that list that rested in the library of Alexandria. Of the original seven wonders, only tiny fragments remain of most of them. Only the Great Pyramid at Giza still stands entire. So my seven wonders must be there and visible. I am going to allow ‘ruinous’ of course. And I must have been there. How can I compile a recommended list if I haven’t seen them?

1. The Pyramids of Giza

Image by Ricardo Liberato via Wikimedia Commons

Yes, the only survivor from the original list. Who could deny they’re a wonder? Quite simply they are breathtaking. Sadly, with every year, they are a little more invisible through hordes of tourists. Every year the urban sprawl of Cairo gets a little nearer to enveloping them. Already between the two visits I made to this amazing site (in 1982 and 2006) the city moved frighteningly closer. And given the troubles in Egypt, one has to fear for their future safety. But still… they remain an icon of the past and rightly so. Nice one, Herodotus!

2. The Ayia Sofya (or Haghia Sophia)

Image by Philz via Wikimedia Commons

Not around until long after our Roddy made his list. The great church of Holy Wisdom was started by Constantine II, and there were several rebuilds between 360AD and 532 when the current structure was commissioned by Justinian. It is simply the most breathtaking religious building I have ever set foot in. It is a symbol of Europe and Turkey and Byzantium and Rome, the blueprint for the Ottoman mosques for half a millennium. Among the fascinating oddities to be found within are runic carvings by one of the Viking Varangian Guard of the Byzantine Emperor who went by the name of Halfdan. The place leaves me speechless.

3. The amphitheatre of Pozzuoli

Image by Ferdinando Marfella via Wikimedia Commons

The Colosseum is magnificent, yes. El Jem is wondrous. I am led to believe Pula’s amphitheatre is astounding. Yet surprisingly few people mention the great Flavian amphitheatre of Pozzuoli in Italy (near Naples.) It’s only a little smaller than the Colosseum (3rd largest in Italy), constructed only a few years later, and is easily better preserved than any of those previous three I mentioned. It is simply astounding to walk around and beneath. While I find most amphitheatres to be dead, emotionless structures (while still wondrous), the one at Pozzuoli sent a shiver through me. I felt loss there. Perhaps it is too intact not to?

4. The Siq at Petra

Image by David Bjorgen via Wikimedia Commons

I guess everyone knows this because of Indiana Jones if nothing else. But Petra blew my mind. All of it. You can’t see Petra in a day. You can’t see it all in 3 days. But the core area, in particular the Siq are easily taken in. The siq was a crevasse through the rock that contituted the main entrance to the city. It is astounding to walk through. Roman paving is visible beneath your feet and an aqueduct channel runs along at your side, dry for millennia. Carvings crop up here and there, and tombs are visible high in the rocks. And in places where the Siq opens up, you find carved monuments such as the Treasury (see above). How could that NOT make it to a list of the great seven?

5. Hadrian’s Wall

Image by Michael Hanselmann via Wikimedia Commons

I can”t imagine I need to do much enthusing about Hadrian’s Wall. It is quite simply one of the most amazing and evocative monuments in the world. Not only was it a feat of sheer engineering and planning brilliance, but it also marks something unique. It represents that very moment when Rome stopped expanding and defined borders. Until Hadrian, the idea that Rome had a limit was a flight of fancy. Despite the Roman influence that continued beyond the wall, for that reason alone, Hadrian’s wall marks the edge of the Roman world for me.

6. The Baths of Caracalla

Image by Pascal Reusch via Wikimedia Commons

There are many great bath houses of Roman construction, even in Rome. The baths of Trajan and Diocletian remain. Further afield, those of Licinius in Dougga, or Antoninus in Carthage. But those of Caracalla stand as a testament to the sheer scale of such monuments. The remaining decoration; the enormous walls; the supplying aqueduct and cistern; Mind-blowing. And, though not open to the visitor, the underground passages remain, with rooms and furnaces, shrines and more. It is, to me the height of the Roman bath house and will ever remain so.

7. The harbour of Carthage

By Anonymous [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

The navy that actually beat Rome! Yes, Carthage for a while actually held the might of Rome at bay. They had the most advanced navy in the world, in history in fact. And the military harbour at Carthage was a wonder worthy of that fleet. Take a look at the picture above, as it survivies today. Upon a time, imagine this image, but with the circle complete, both the island’s edge and the outer circuit home to endless what are essentially hangars for warships. Room for around 300 warships to be berthed, each in its own building on an inland port with swift access to the sea by a channel. On the island’s centre was the admiralty. I stood on that road on the left side of the picture a few years ago and was simply stunned into silence.

* * * * *

So there you go. That’s my Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Now, all those of you who blog… let’s hear yours? I’m intrigued.

* * *

a few fascinating links…

A story about one of the last Edelweiss Pirates

Crimes against heritage in Bulgaria

* * *

A note of condolence for a friend of mine who lost the love of his life this week. Caroline will be missed, and you have so many friends to call on. Don’t hesitate to do so, my friend. You are in our hearts.

* * *

Marcus’ room is now almost ready and my office is 90% complete. This means that roughly 70% of the house’s clutter has found sensible homes and I can now move about without too much risk of injury. I am having less breakdowns in the centre of clutter mountain. However, after moving all the furniture for 3 days, my back now feels as though I’ve carried an elephant up Blackpool tower. Sore!

* * *

Episodes IV-VI of Star Wars on BluRay arrived today, as did the final parts of our new TV & speaker system, so tonight should be good. Might need popcorn!

* * *

In the meantime, I leave you with this (non-metal music fans switch off now)

Wifey being heavily pregnant, she is obsessively nesting. It is, I’m given to believe, a common thing.

Marcus has had his nursery in the small back room until now. The huge (make that HUGE) spare room has been a guest room, with double bed and my computer desk, dvd storage etc. Plus where wifey stores everything from Rudolph’s spare nose to the treasure of the Sierra Madre. Since we are soon to have two kids… all change!

Now the dining room has (following over a month of decorating, re-flooring and furnishing) become the: dining room & guest room with sofa-bed & kids’ play room.

The large spare room is becoming the nursery for Marcus and Child#2. And the small back room will become my office.

But in order to get the new nursery ready we have had to clear it out. I’m not sure how this works, but we have sold many things that were stored in there. We have thrown away many more. And yet what we have stored in the rest of the house to find a new home for looks like a yard sale for a fifty room mansion. Nowhere in the house can I move without knocking something over, treading on something, or walking into something. Most of them appear to be sharp too. The house is now a maze of narrow passages between junk. It’s like being in a maze of shit.

I actually had a breakdown a couple of days ago and started screaming at the clutter and flailing my arms until wifey found me in the maze and calmed me down. I counted the things we have stored from that room. There are over 200. I counted the things that would fit in my new office/clutter storage room. Less than 50. I counted the things that are going back into the new nursery: 8. This, I fear, leaves me with a problem. The problem will likely involved me standing, lost and helpless in a maze of shit and screaming at clutter while I wave my arms and perhaps cry a little.

Save me from clutter.

I may have to extend the house to include a ‘crap room’.

Argh!

SMART ARSE ANSWER 5

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

“What are my choices?” the man asked.

“Yes or no,” she replied.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 4

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn’t find one big

1. Groups of people who stop to chat and cover the entire pavement (sidewalk) so that passers-by have to detour on to the road.
2. People who can remember Napoleon Bonaparte as a threat and only know about first and second gear.
3. People with combover hair that lifts like a lid in high winds.
4. People that drive at 40mph both on open derestricted roads and through 30 limit built-up areas.
5. Drivers that slow to a crawl when a car comes the other way.
6. People who stop dead in supermarket aisles without checking if they’re in the way.
7. Certain Argos employees who haven’t the faintest clue and are only just bright enough to draw breath.
8. People who do not frequent their local stores or pubs but chunter endlessly about them when they’re closed.
9. People who light bonfires next to major busy roads.
10. Drivers in Bedale.
11. Drivers who do not know what the orange flashing lights on the sides of their car are for!
12. Louis Walsh, who wifey believes to be a leprechaun.
13. People in front of you in Supermarket queues who stop for 2 minutes chat with the checkout employee.
14. People who take 11 items to the 10 item or less counter and expect to get away with it.
15. The driver of that Black Audi. You know who you are. Actually, you probably don’t even know what SPECIES you are!
16. Any politician. Anywhere.
17. People that authorise applications to build over sites of great historic interest.
18. People who let their young boy children have haircuts with shaved parts, slogans or rat-tails.
19. People who let their young girl children wear heels at the age of seven. Prats!
20. Anyone and anything that has anything to do with ‘Hollyoaks’.
21. People who think Blackadder isn’t funny.
22. Linkedin. Linkedin are BASTARDS! Stop emailing me. I’ve even closed and deleted my account and still you email me!
23. The fly in my office that will NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!
24. Ronald MacDonald.
25. Whoever decided that The Smurfs would make a great movie release.
26. The person who designed the IRS forms for international tax exemption application.
27. Jason Derulo for what he did to Toto’s classic ‘Africa’.
28. People that use made-up ‘Pseudo Science’ to sell haircare products. Stick to the science, you knobs!
29. Cold callers. Particularly the ones who still ring at our house asking for the person who moved out 6 years ago or the one who died in 2004!
30. The scrotey dead-man-walking who scratched a cross on the wing of our car. When I find you you will shoot up to #1!

* * * * *

Lucilla licked her lips and rolled over, pulling the covers tighter. The room was chilly in the November night, frost forming on the garden of the villa outside her wall, the bone-cold breeze sneaking in through the shutters and lowering the room’s temperature.

Briefly she contemplated leaving the room and going to the closet to collect a spare blanket. Possibly one of the slaves would still be up and about preparing things for the morning and could get her one. Certainly if her mother or father caught her wandering around the villa’s corridors at this time of night, no amount of defensive argument over the temperature would save her from trouble.

She rolled back over again, irritation at her parents bringing her extra wakefulness and driving elusive sleep that bit further away. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her parents. Of course she did; they were her parents, after all. But they were sometimes a little too careful about her, instituting so many rules to keep her safe and sound that at times her safe, sound life felt more like a prison.

The few friends she’d had years ago were gone now, leaving the valley and its wealthy villas, taken to Deva where they were matched and married off. Oh, Lucilla should have been married and gone from here more than two or three years herself. She was hardly a girl anymore, anyway. At sixteen years, she should already be contemplating her own children.

But she wasn’t healthy. No man would want her, as her father told her repeatedly. Her body was too frail; too weak. She was not the bright and robust girl her friends had known when they used to play in the woods and river of the valley.

It had begun with the visit from her sister. Her father would deny that, of course, as would her mother. But then they had always denied even the very existence of her sister. Whatever Livia had done when Lucilla was still a baby had been so horrifying that they had shut her out of their life, not even speaking of her. Only one or two of the slaves spoke warmly of her when confiding in Lucilla.

She turned over again, shivering in the wind, wondering once more about getting that blanket.

Yes, it had begun with her sister; that first night about three years ago when she had found out that Livia even existed. The older girl, very reminiscent of her younger sibling, had defied their parents and crept back into the house, into Lucilla’s room. She hadn’t said anything, just stood watching with a sad smile on her face. It made Lucilla’s heart break to think of her sister being out there in the outbuildings, denied her parent’s love and the comforts of the villa. Perhaps that was why mother and father kept Lucilla so safe?

No. That was because of her frailty. But her frailty had begun then. It had, as she had said, made her heart break. Quite literally. The next morning, the robust girl was gone, leaving this pale, willowy, feeble girl with the short breath and the twitch.

Her mother had been quite distraught, and her father, calling on his veteran’s benefits, had brought the legion’s chief medicus from Deva to examine her. The surgeon had explained, after lengthy tests, that her heart was damaged. Some great shock had actually stopped it for a time, and it had resumed its beat with a problem.

The care and virtual imprisonment had begun that day. Perhaps she would have recovered in time; found herself a handsome soldier to wed, and been gone from this dreadful, grey, chilling villa, if only she had not declined in steps.

Every step, of course, coincided with the infrequent visits from her sister. Livia could only sneak into the house very rarely when it was dark and everyone but Lucilla was asleep. Perhaps twice or three times a year she came.

Every time was a wrench for Lucilla. She loved her poor, exiled sister so much and the warmth of her return filled her with a fleeting joy that soon plummeted into the icy river of sadness again as Livia, wordlessly, smiled that sad smile and returned to her freezing den in the outbuildings.

Lucilla had stopped telling her parents about Livia’s visits after the first year, as the conversation inevitable led to an argument and anger from her father, denial that Livia could have come to see her, and an extra layer of cold security being placed around their younger daughter.

But the visits still came. Livia never explained why she came or how she could live like she did, but Lucilla didn’t care. It was enough even to see her beautiful sister on those rare occasions. Even if it was rapidly dragging her toward her own demise, her weakening heart now making it dangerous for her even to leave the interior of the villa. Eventually, if she died, her sister would join her and they would be together in the beyond, living in the light of Sol Invictus.

Too cold. The temperature just appeared to be dropping all the time. It had merely been chilly earlier, but Lucilla would swear she could see ice on the shutters, reflecting the moonlight shining through the crack in the shutters. Frost seemed to be forming on her blanket.

She gave a deep sigh and sank back into her blankets, feeling the welcome pull of sleep at last.

It was then she knew that Livia was in the room. Shuddering, she sat up rigid to see the pale figure in her grey tunic, with the long, lustrous black tresses of her hair hanging low, touched and speckled with the frost.

Lucilla smiled. It had been long months since her last visit. She straightened her night tunic and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Livia never spoke, of course. She couldn’t. But Lucilla instinctively knew what her sister was wanting or trying to say.

Livia curled a beckoning finger, and Lucilla frowned. This was new. She’d never left the bed before. A surge of dangerous excitement ran through her cold, frail figure. Could Livia be taking her to show her the den where she spent her time? Gingerly, wincing at the freezing marble of the floor, Lucilla swung out her legs and climbed from the bed, swaying slightly for a moment, before she got herself under control. Her legs were so weak she had to shuffle toward the figure in the doorway, holding out her hand to the wall to steady herself.

Livia smiled that sad smile of hers, but this time, actually walking toward her, it didn’t drive Lucilla’s spirits down into that icy river of loss once more. Instead she felt the electric thrill of discovery. She would, she knew instinctively, find out about her sister this time. She had to. It felt right.

As she approached the open doorway of her room, the corridor dark beyond, Livia beckoned once more and then slipped around the corner out of sight.

A sense of urgency overtaking her, unwilling to let her sister out of her sight for fear she might lose her entirely, Lucilla let go of the wall and tottered quickly to the doorway, her feet slapping on the freezing floor.

The move was too quick for her frail body and as she reached the door jamb, dizziness overcame her and she slumped, her mind fogging with confusion and pain, her body cold and aching. It was almost half a minute before she pulled herself up, peering off around the corner, hoping her sister was still there.

And there was her room. Somehow, during her dizzy fall, she must have got turned around and confused.

There was Livia, lying on her back on the bed, her grey, thin face surrounded by lustrous black hair as she rested among the blankets and pillows. She looked so peaceful.

Lucilla smiled sadly. Best not disturb her now. She’d come back and see her soon.

I have another short story line up for this, but that’s going live next Monday. In the meantime, here are some of my recent observations.

1. Nobody who can remember Benjamin Disraeli or the Charge of the Light Brigade and who is only aware of two gears should be allowed on the road.
2. The temperature in my local town varies inversely to the layers of clothing I remember to bring out with me.
3. A child is at their loveable cutest when you are trying to tell them off for doing something naughty.
4. What is the point in the microwavable meal instructing you to puncture the plastic if it’s still then going to explode and cover my oven in warm cheese?
5. Two dogs on a walk with one person will always want to go in opposite directions.
6. People who park on corners and on pavements (sidewalks) should be shot. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.
7. Any truck driver who decides to overtake another truck on a two-lane road and on a hill should have their license revoked.
8. A supermarket is only guarenteed to have a refit and overhaul just when I have finally learned where everything is.
9. I preferred the days when a Ford key opened any Ford car to these days when our car refuses even to accept our own keys half the time.
10. Any group of people that entirely cover the pavement from side to side will be moving at half your own speed. And deaf.
11. Why has no enterprising chemist yet come up with paracetamol (or other analgesic) that tastes like chocolate or strawberry, and not ‘bitter chalky death’?
12. A mobile phone (cellphone) is only that if you take the bloody thing with you!
13. 10 months of the year, we country folk love apples and buy them from the supermarket and for the other 2 months are inundated with, and sick of, the damn things.
14. The only time I overestimate my appetite is ordering Chinese Takeout food. And that happens every time.
15. Childrens’ television has reached its most peculiar stage since the early 1970s. And possibly even weirder than then!

In the meantime, also revolving around Monday, I have a book giveaway for the first Marius’ Mules on twitter. Follow me there, find it and retweet to enter (@SJATurney)

See you in the funny pages.