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Chicken Kormoose

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Hmmm. It seems to have been a while since I updated.

Let me give you the recipe for Chicken Kormoose.

1. Look up a really nice recipe for Chicken Korma.

2. Go to the supermarket to buy the ingredients on the list.

3. Get irritated with the 11 staff in said store that have a collective IQ of 9. Be desperate to get out of the store and therefore rush the shopping.

4. Refuse to ask the staff for things you can’t find, because you know it’ll only lead to bloodshed.

5. Decide you can do without some of the things on the list because you can’t find them, can’t bring yourself to ask anyone, and you think you’ll have something similar at home.

6. Go home and discover you’ve forgotten one of the main ingredients and that none of your subtitute ingredients will be right. Sugar may look like salt, but it makes your fries taste funny.

7. Try anyway.

8. Get so lost wondering how you’re going to deal with the missing ingredients that you lose track of what you’re doing and for how long.

9. Spend 10 mins staring at the chicken in yellow gunk and wondering why it’s not cooking until you realise you’d turned on the grill, not the hob.

10. Panic about salmonella and introducing it into the household.

11. Decide that, since you forgot the coconutty crap essential to a Korma, you’ll just double the amount of yoghurt to make up for it and change the name.

12. Discover you’re out of rice. Good thing you bought a packet of microwave pilau rice just in case you really cocked it all up.

13. Discover you have nothing suitable with/in which to grind any of the four ingredients that are supposed to be ‘ground xxx’. Try to use a mortar and pestle the size of a mouse’s scrotum and fail badly.

14. At this point, the recipe says ‘make sure the sauce is creamy. Add coconut milk to just cover the chicken and then simmer on a slow heat until tender.

15. Look down at your (possibly almost raw) chicken, coated in something that looks like bright yellow cat-sick and smells of yoghurt and lemon. Feel a tear well up.

16. Say ‘screw it’. Add yet more yoghurt, simmer and then serve. Claim it’s a new recipe.

17. Take credit for inventiveness!

Yes it actually tasted ok. And I have yet to succumb to virulent raw chicken diseases.

Next time… Chinese a la Moose

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Written by SJAT

August 20, 2009 at 10:47 am

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