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Paypal Piffle

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Ok. This problem is now resolved and won’t be updated any more, but I urge you to read it anyway and I urge you to send a skunk in a box by mail to paypal. I urge you to send them a turd. I urge you to stop their employees in the street and ask whether they’re retarded. Read on…


1. MY ORIGINAL QUERY:


Form Message
customer subject: Cannot access
customer message: Additional Information: ‘This is going to sound daft,
 
I’ve had a paypal account for a very long time. However, a few years ago, late one night I changed my password and promptly forgot it. I tried an awful lot of times to have my password emailed to me using the lost password system, but the email never arrived. In the end I gave up, forgot about it and stopped using paypal.
 
Now I want to use it again, but still, if I click on the password retrieval/change thing it says it’s sent me an email, but still nothing arrives (and it’s not being classed as spam, it really doesn’t arrive at all.) Since those days I’ve moved house, so my address and phone are different, but I have kept my email. How can I get my password reset and access my account? I don’t even know whether there’s debit or credit on my account. Can you let me know what I can do?
 
Thanks,
 
(dangerously tired and potentially violent customer).


2. FROM PAYPAL:


From: “webform@paypal.co.uk” <webform@paypal.co.uk>
To: SJAT <email address>
Sent: Thursday, ## July, #### #:##:## AM
Subject: Re: MyAccount (Routing Code: xxxxxxxxxxx) (xxxxxxxxxxxx) :ppk4
 
Dear (Stupid ignorant fool),,
 
Thank you for contacting PayPal, my name is (Retard) and it is my pleasure to assist you.

In relation to your concern, I carefully checked your account and I found out that
 
If you forgot your password, go to the PayPal website, click the ‘Home’ tab at the top of the page, click the ‘password’ link in the Account login box and follow the directions.
 
If you click the ‘I no longer have access to this email address’ link while recovering your password, you may be able to complete the password recovery by phone. To recover you password by phone:
 
 #. Select an active home or work phone number from the drop down menu.
    o The full phone number will not be displayed for security reasons.
    o If your telephone number needs to be updated, the call cannot be completed.
 #. Select time to receive call.
 #. Enter your new email address not currently registered to an open PayPal account.
 #. Click ‘Continue’.
 #. Enter your PIN number from the ‘Password Recovery by Phone’ page on the phone keypad.
 #. Click ‘Continue’.
 #. Enter your new password and security questions and click ‘Submit’.
 
Once you log in to your account, click ‘Profile’ at the top of the page if you need to update outdated information.
 
If this procedure does not help, kindly contact us at ##### ### ### and we will be more than happy to clarify the matter with you.
 
I hope that I was able to address your concern, if you need further help please contact us again.
 
Thank you for choosing PayPal.
 
Sincerely,
(Retard)
PayPal European Services
PayPal, an eBay Company


3. REPLY FROM ME:


Hi (Retard).
 
Thanks for the reply. Problem is, as I pointed out, that I have moved house and changed phone since then, so this answer doesn’t work, I’m afraid (o If your telephone number needs to be updated, the call cannot be completed.)
 
Also, is seems strange having to click the ‘I no longer have access to this email address’ link when I plainly do have access to it. After all, you just emailed me at it. Just for some reason the automated email doesn’t come here.
 
Thanks.
 
(Ever-closer-to-reaching-for-the-knife customer.)


4. FROM PAYPAL:


From: “webform@paypal.co.uk” <webform@paypal.co.uk>
To: SJAT <email address>
Sent: Thursday, 23 July, 2009 6:01:56 PM
Subject: Re: MyAccount (Routing Code: xxxxxxxxxxx) (xxxxxxxxxxxx):ppk4

Thank you for taking the time to contact PayPal with your concerns. I am happy to assist you further.

If you have forgotten your password, we can help you recover it. Please follow these simple steps:

 1. Go to the PayPal website at http://www.paypal.co.uk
 2. Click the ‘password’ link under the ‘Log In’ button.
 3. Enter your PayPal email address.
 4. Enter the security code by typing the letters and numbers shown, without spaces.
 5. Click ‘Continue’.
 6. Go to your email inbox and click on the email from PayPal.

If you no longer have access to the email address you used when you signed up to PayPal and have forgotten your password, don’t worry. You may still be able to regain access to your PayPal account by receiving an automated phone call from PayPal.

 1. Complete the ‘forgotten password’ process (outlined above).
 2. Go to your inbox to find an email from PayPal with a link entitled – ‘I no longer have access to this email address’.
 3. Click on this link.
 4. Verify any additional account information. You will then be given the opportunity to recover your password by phone.
 5. Select a time to take the call – straight away or in 1 minute.
 6. Select an email address where you can be contacted and click ‘Continue’.

You’ll see a four digit pin number on screen. When PayPal calls you, enter this number on your phone.

Once complete, you will be able to re-set your account’s password by clicking ‘Continue’.

If you are unable to recover your password by email or by phone (as outlined above), please contact PayPal Customer Services on 08707307191 to request a new password to be posted to you.

I appreciate the opportunity to assist you. Thank you for choosing PayPal.
Have a great day.

Sincerely,
(Retardess)
PayPal European Services
PayPal, an eBay Company


5. REPLY FROM ME:


Are you actually reading my replies, (Retard) & (Retardess)?

This email answers my question as much as the previous one. In fact, at first glance it appears to be the previous one. I’ll reiterate the problem:

1. Cannot get into account as don’t know the password.

2. Am on same email address I was then.

3. Have different phone number as I have since moved.

4. Have different address as I have since moved.

5. Email me my password doesn’t work as your email doesn’t arrive.

Bearing in mind 1-5, I’ve twice been told:

6. Click on the button and you’ll email me my password (see 5)

7. If this is not possible, get it by telephone (see 3)

8. If neither of these are possible, ring the 08 number and you’ll post me my password (see 4)

You keep giving me three options I cannot take. Is there any option I can take?

(Masochistic customer trying to get a sensible answer in the face of monumental stupidity).


6. THEIR LATEST AGGRAVATION


Thank you for taking the time to contact us about your problem regarding your password. I am happy to assist you further.

To begin the Instant Password Process, call PayPal Customer Service at 08707 307 191. After confirming account ownership, you will get a 5-digit password code and an email will be sent to your primary email address.

  1. Click the link in the email or copy the link and paste it into the address bar.
  2. Enter your 5-digit code
  3. Follow the steps to complete the password recovery process.

Once you log in to your account, review your profile information and make any necessary updates.

Please let me know if you need further assistance.

Sincerely,
(Asshole)
PayPal European Services
PayPal, an eBay Company


7. MY NEW DESPERATION


Hi Asshole.

Sorry for the delay in replying to this, but I’ve been trying to sort it.

I rang the number you gave me and began the Instant Password Process. Unfortunately, to complete the Instant Password Process and get a code sent to me, I need to ‘confirm account ownership’, i.e. give the automated service the telephone number for the account.

The only number I had when I had the account was my old telephone number (xxxxx) xxxxxx. It does not recognise this number. I cannot give it my other number as I have not accessed the account since long before I acquired it. Without the number I can’t complete this, so I’m back to square one.

What I really need is for the password on the account with the email address of <my email>  to be emailed to that email address, then I can access the account, but for some reason it has never yet arrived. On the assumption that you can see that this email has been sent to you from the email address associated with the account, and bearing in mind I can tell you my name, date of birth, mother’s maiden name, my current address and telephone number as well as those of my previous two residences, is there any way this can be sorted and you can get the password associated with this email address actually sent to this address?

I even got to the point today of trying to set up a new account, but I can’t do it because this email address is already associated with a paypal account.

Please heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

SJAT.


8. THE PENULTIMATE STUPIDITY


Thank you for taking the time to contact us with your concerns.

PayPal works hard to protect our customers, and uses many security measures to help ensure your protection. For this reason, we can only send answers for account related information when the request comes from an email address that is associated with your PayPal account. We feel that this is the best way to ensure that your personal information is not compromised.

If you are unable to find an answer to your question in the Help Centre, you can reach our Customer Service Department at https://www.paypal.com/wf/f=default, or if you have an issue of immediate concern and cannot find your answer in the Help Centre, see ‘Help by Phone’
for assistance.

It is my pleasure to assist you. Thank you for choosing PayPal.

Sincerely,
Monkeybrain

PayPal European Services
PayPal, an eBay Company


9. THE PENULTIMATE ATTEMPT


Hello again.

When you say ‘we can only send answers for account related information when the request comes from an email address that is associated with your PayPal account’ are you saying that this email address is not the one associated with an account?

I have a horrible feeling about this. I signed up for my account with me@btopenworld.com which is what my email address is/was, but BT have had several naming conventions, and me@btopenworld.com and me@btinternet.com are the same account. If this is the case, and you can’t send the password for the account associated with me@btopenworld.com as a reply to this as it shows me@btinternet.com, then please feel free to send the details to that account (me@btopenworld.com) since they are the same and it will still appear here in my mailbox.

I’m not trying to break or circumvent rules, and I quite understand you don’t want to send info relating to an account to a different email address, but please could you send it to the address associated with the account and I’ll get it and be able to access my account again.

Thanks

Close to giving up hope.


10. THE FINAL STRAW


Dear Pointless peasant who is not worthy of a real reply,

Thanks for contacting PayPal. I appreciate the opportunity to assist you with your questions.

If you no longer use the email address you signed up with, you can still access your PayPal account. You must log in using your original email address and password. After logging in, you can change your email address by clicking ‘Profile’ at the top of the page and then click the ‘Email’ link.

If you forgot your email address, go to the PayPal website, click the ‘Home’ tab at the top of the page, click the ’email address’ link in the Account login box and follow the directions.

If you forgot your password, go to the PayPal website, click the ‘Home’ tab at the top of the page, click the ‘password’ link in the Account login box and follow the directions.

If you click the ‘I no longer have access to this email address’ link while recovering your password, you may be able to complete the password recovery by phone. To recover you password by phone:

  1. Select an active home or work phone number from the drop down menu.
          o The full phone number will not be displayed for security reasons.
          o If your telephone number needs to be updated, the call cannot be completed.
  2. Select time to receive call.
  3. Enter your new email address not currently registered to an open PayPal account.
  4. Click ‘Continue’.
  5. Enter your PIN number from the ‘Password Recovery by Phone’ page on the phone keypad.
  6. Click ‘Continue’.
  7. Enter your new password and security questions and click ‘Submit’.

Once you log in to your account, click ‘Profile’ at the top of the page if you need to update outdated information.

Should you have difficulties using your PayPal account please do not hesitate to contact us by email or by phone and we will be more than happy to assist you by then.

Again thank you for choosing PayPal have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Killjoy
PayPal European Services
PayPal, an eBay Company


Quite simply, I have had emails from 5 different Paypal employees. It’s fairly evident that none of them have actually read any of my emails. Most of them have replied with exactly the same crap as previously. I hereby cut off diplomatic relations with Paypal. I will never use them again.

Written by SJAT

July 24, 2009 at 9:50 am

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