S.J.A. Turney's Books & More

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Ranting Makes Me Happy

with one comment

Time for a rant…

Ok. I went in this morning into town to print off various copies of my novel to send to Agents. I get the damn thing printed so many times I’ve probably depopulated a forest and our post office is CLOSED. Closes at 12:30 on a Saturday. The only day people are free to use it! Why the hell do things always close on the days that you can use them and you’re not in your soul-destroying job?

Ah well. Just another problem to overcome. In the meantime, I’m about to rant. Switch off now.

Big Brother. I touched on this last night, but have just spent a couple of hours in a pub (that’s the equivalent of an American Bar) listening to people talk about Big Brother. Do you have this in America? I hope for the sake of your souls you don’t. A bunch of people who are chosen from a panel of thousands because they are ABNORMAL are thrown into a house and watched for months. Almost all of the time they just bitch about each other. Most of the addicts I know are happy to spend hours of their precious existence on this Earth watching pointless people argue and sunbathe! What is WRONG with you people?

I tried to work out the percentage of life we waste watching crap per hour, but I’m a historian, not a scientist. And anyway, that would be wasting my life.

Try this out. Scared the shit out of me!

Calculate how many years you have left!!!!

So, still on the subject of terrible TV, why is there such a thing as the ‘Reality Channel’? Don’t you get enough REAL reality? I would rather write a poem, spend time with my girl, play guitar, have a beer with friends, or watch Han Solo being tortured by Darth Vader than watch some spotty jerk from the suburbs stealing a car and getting caught for it. Is this really ENTERTAINMENT?

This entry, I note, is not a very comic one, as I’m ON A RANT!!!!

In an effort to alleviate this, I present you with three things that make me laugh.

The USA discovered that the standard biro pen does not work very well in zero gravity and spent millions of dollars developing a pen that writes any way up, in any gravity, underwater, on glass etc.

The Russians used a pencil.

My lovely and always entertaining other half. One evening I found her lying on the stairs, face down. When I questioned her, as you would, about this bizarre behaviour, it turns out that she’d eaten a mint. She’s allergic to mint and it makes her sneeze. So, in order not to sneeze and fall down the stairs, she lay down. You may think this is logical. I’d say: ‘Don’t eat the MINT!’

Thirdly, a man at a coastal Yorkshire camp site had to be air-lifted to safety after having drunkenly wandered into a gorse bush on the cliff. He’d been there for days and they could only see his hand waving.

The world is crazy. I may just be sane.

Music for this afternoon is ‘The Love of Hopeless Causes’ by New Model Army.


Written by SJAT

August 20, 2009 at 11:22 am

One Response

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  1. Just tried the “Calculate your years left” and it gave me an error. That’s about right for me. And Si, it’s not you, it really is the rest of the world. You make it a funnier place. Jules



    March 4, 2010 at 2:10 am

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