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Return of the Moose

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Well it seems to have been long, cold eons since I wrote on this thing, but that’s not coz I don’t love you, you know that, yes? I’m just a lazy ole dirtbag really.

Actually, it’s been a busy few weeks and I don’t seem to have had the time or the inclination or both. Perhaps I should appraise you of some of the events and funnies.

Firstly, I’m moving desk again tomorrow. Yes, it’s that time of the month again. There are four desks in our office and I sit on the one diagonally opposite Moleman (for this is as far away as I can manage without taking a pickaxe to the wall. Now, presumably in some superhuman effort to get me to quit, they are taking away two desks. Thus, because the Emperor of Underwriting wants a nicer, newer desk, I am having my desk space halved and being moved directly opposite the greatest source of evil-smelling slime since the Black Death. It’s basically a game of musical chairs that Soulless Corporation ™ plays. Every couple of months people are made to move around the office, carrying all their life’s possessions with them and when the music stops, they end up sitting in a new seat and organising their life, except for the poor soul left without a seat, who is made redundant. It’s a bit of a sadistic game really and not a party I would go to by choice.

So. Anyone know where I can buy semtex? Or at least half a dozen rabid and radioactive weasels I can train to hunt lard? Maybe a lard-seeking missile

Anyway. Talking of the Moleman, I must pass on a couple of tidbits…

1. Heard him talking to a customer on the phone a week or so ago and telling them about how he enjoys talking to the schoolgirls on the bus in the morning. This creeped me out enough, but then (to my horror) he belched down the mouthpiece into the customer’s ear very loudly in the middle of a sentence. I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or vomit.

2. When the Irish lass who works for us was over on a visit, the-IT-man was pointing out how rarely the Irish actually say ‘begorrah’. I chimed in with the fact that I’ve never heard an Irish person say ‘top of the morning’. We all smiled and nodded and the Moleman leaned over and pointed out how rarely the Irish say ‘Och aye the noo’! I had to hide behind my screen while I rocked with laughter before pointing out that that was Scottish.

3. The ‘Powers Below’ have had the wisdom to put out a bowl of chocolates in reception for visitors or occasionally for staff. Moleman is absolutely incapable of walking past it without snatching a handful. Moreover, he is now making the most feeble of excuses to go into reception for a chocolate. It’s no wonder really that he looks like he’s been squeezed into his clothes from a pastry bag.

Well, I should add loads more, but it’s a real busy day here. Will try and keep up.

Moosey

Written by SJAT

January 7, 2010 at 4:17 pm

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