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Typhoid Moley

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Just an additional to point out some Moleman facts:

I’ve been playing the Sam & Max adventures again recently and the fact that they have Molemen in them in no way diminishes my horror at the live-action version I see each weekday. They’re cute. He’s offensive. See? Not the same.

I’ve been off work for three days and he was off the day before that. Sounds great huh? Including the weekend that’s 6 solid Mole-free days. Ah, but no. What that actually means is that today he’s tried to squeeze in 6 days worth of irritation and inane chatter. Honestly I thought he was going to suffocate this morning because he couldn’t stop waffling long enough to take a breath.

Honestly, he just wouldn’t SHUT UP!

 And after he finally subsided for a while I realised why he looks different today. Because he has the plague.

This is the Black Pox of the worst and gloopiest kind. When he breathes in it sounds like someone trying to administer an enema to a worried ferret and when he breathes out it sounds like someone trying to exhale a sponge pudding through a kazoo. It’s just not nice. He doesn’t cover his mouth when he coughs (which by the way sounds like a hippo gargling) probably because his arms don’t seem to be controlled by his brain. They move around randomly like some kind of machine where the rubber band has snapped. So I expect to get Mole Pox in the near future.

Oh and we had bacon sandwiches in the office this morning. He took an ENORMOUS bite of it (his jaws opened far too wide like a snake), smiled a creepy smile, coughed round it and then set to chewing it with a sound like a heavy man in wellington boots walking through thick, sucking mud. And then his phone rang. I almost laughed out loud at the look of panic that crossed his face. He picked up the receiver and mumbled something unintelligible while spitting food all over his desk, then shoved half a baguette into his cheek and said round it “excuse me a second… I just have to put some papers down.”

He then placed the phone on the desk (still open, not on hold), chewed very noisily and hurriedly, took another massive bite, screwed up the paper and went, chewing to wash his hands at the nearby sink. And all the while the person who’d rung him could hear all of this down the phone. I honestly don’t know where he thinks he’s working, but my guess would be Mercury. Or maybe Springfield Retirement Home alongside Abe Simpson.

Ahhhh…. Rant over, but he’s just been too overwhelming to deal with today.

Moosey (looking through a green cloud of Mole-germs at his screen.)

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Written by SJAT

January 27, 2010 at 2:22 pm

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