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Weeks pass…

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If all I had in life was a bag of epileptic squirrels and a plastic fork, I’d look at you and still count my blessings!

I’m experimenting in the field of new insults. I’ve felt recently that mine have gone downhill and it’s time to pep them up, so from now on, I shall try to open every new entry with a top-grade insult. Use them. Amuse your friends. Or lose them, anyway…

So it’s been an absolute age (2 weeks and more) since I updated. I’m a three times a week kind of man (for diaries) so that’s unusual. I’ve actually tried several times to start one but not had a good opening line or anything to say. Half my problem is now solved!

So last we heard was of foolishness in Blackpool. I then returned to work (boo, hiss) and suffered long-term brain damage from our insufferable business. Until the next weekend. Yes, the weekend of the 26th/27th was our BBQ once more. This time, things went without a hitch. For many attempts over the last few years we’ve had declining attendance and music trouble (maybe the presence of my dad who is death on all things musical.) Over five BBQs we have killed the speakers or actual stereos on around six systems. So this time we got everything carefully prepared with good quality kit and it all worked. You can guarantee any social event has worked when at 2 in the morning someone shouts over the music “Let’s get naked!” And we did. Top-half anyway. It wasn’t over warm, so my usual ‘innies’ became ‘outies’ if you know what I mean. The girls didn’t get below underwear level. This is a Yorkshire village, not the playboy mansion you drooling perverts! Anyway, thoroughly enjoyed it.

Then came back to work. Again. Over the Tuesday and Wednesday it became increasingly apparent that I was not well. I think I spent around a half hour talking to my coffee mug and walked into no less than three walls. By Wednesday afternoon I could hardly lift my arms and was getting seriously delirious. So Thursday and Friday (31st and 1st) I stayed home and felt crap. All in order to be better prepared for coming events. I know what you’re thinking: half-naked dancing on a cold night is almost certainly responsible for the next week. I lay almost 50% of the blame there. The rest lies with Paolo in the village who kept complaining of fluey symptoms long before he stripped and gyrated within germ-throwing distance of me.

But yes, I needed to be well for the Saturday. You see Hotspur got married! To the lady who I don’t believe I’ve mentioned before but we’ll call Hong Kong Phooey. She’s a doctor of some sort of biochemistry (therefore more intelligent than thirty of me, even with access to Wikipedia.) She’s spent much of her academic life playing like a child in a ball-pool with diseases like Ebola and other things that make the flesh crawl (and then fall off, wither and die.) And on top of that, she’s a black belt martial artist! Damn! He’s a brave, brave man. But they’re great together. She even let it slide that he got paralytic at the evening do and gyrated to Busted songs. I myself even managed to jive a couple of times (oh my God, I’m sooooo middle-aged.) The-IT-man and his horde were there also, though most of the time I saw him, he was running with a panicky look on his face and shouting his eldest’s name while she made merrily for the cricket game going on one field away.

Also my mother was in attendance. She turned up late due to the shiny One’s inability to tell time or get anywhere on it, and then proceeded to catch up by emptying the various wine and champagne bottles left out for guests with inevitable results. Mrs M also put the MERR in merry. She even failed to notice me for almost five minutes as I followed her around mimicking her every move. I myself am not one to talk though. I was 3 sheets to the wind myself when we got home and thought I’d round off the night with a large whisky while Mrs M slept on the sofa. I booted up one of my favourite games on the pc and then spent a good hour trying to squint at the screen and see only one of them.

Yes, I had a headache the next day. I say it’s because I was still unwell and overdid it. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.

So this week it’s been back to work again and to be honest, I’m so bored of it all, I’m finding it hard to care at all about what I do. Still, bright things are always around the corner. Tonight we shall see Uncle Fester and Aunt Morticia for the first time in weeks and fun shall be had.

Probably more to say, but I think that rounds it all out quite nicely. That and the fact that today my mother caught our dog Murphy licking the mud off a car. Did I mention our dogs are thick?

Take care.

Moosehunter.

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Written by SJAT

December 24, 2010 at 12:30 pm

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